At my mum’s engagement dinner the other day my future step-dad asked my brother what he’s planning to do this year. My brother replied "I’m doing my masters and working at the gallery" (his masters degree is in Fine art).
My Mum was a bit drunk and yelled out across the table "when are you going to get a real job?". It really upset him. He sat there and took while she told the guests at the party that he’s never taken his future seriously and that she thought he’d figure out there’s no future in art by now. It made me so angry! Even my step-dad was really embarrassed and told her that she was being inappropriate.
She’s never been supportive of him becoming an artist. He’s really talented and he can make it, it wasn’t easy to get into this course! He’s been working towards it since he finished school.
My brother says that she’s just trying to protect him from failure, but he’s not going to fail! The way she’s going about it hurts him so badly, and I can see that although he tries to love her and be respectful that deep down he really resents her.
How can we get my mother to accept that it’s his life and be supportive no matter what?
She’s not an ass. She looks after us. It’s just this one thing.
You can’t really. You can only accept your mother for who she is. Your brother has done this, and he is following his dreams no matter what your mother says. Good for him!
A lot of times when a parent acts like this, it is because they are looking back over their own life and seeing their own failures. They are angry at themselves, not the kid who is succeeding. Remember she is a human being, and she can only see life through the experiences she has had and the feelings that go along with them. Forgive her. And support your brother. He is smart to take his dreams and make them reality, he will be happy with our without your mothers approval.
Remember this when you go forward to make your life decisions. You need to do what makes you happy, not what makes mom happy. You have to live your own life, not the life she would lead for you. Your brother is a great example of this. And yeah, it might hurt what she says…. but at least she is saying she cares, right? Maybe not in the motherly "I love you" fashion, but in some fashion, she is angry because she worries about her son. Try to see that side of it.
June 2nd, 2010 at 4:57 am
Prove her wrong is the best way
References :
June 2nd, 2010 at 5:23 am
Wow your mom is a real ass hey! You know what, unfortunately there’s nothing you can do about it, nether him! The BEST way to prove someone wrong, like in this case is show them you’re successful anyway….one day, she will put her head down, in shame for herself and pray for her, a lot! Maybe it’s because she doesn’t want him to be successful because she isn’t…idk but people don’t change simply because you want them to….Speak when you are angry—and you will make the best speech you’ll ever regret.
References :
June 2nd, 2010 at 5:52 am
You can’t really. You can only accept your mother for who she is. Your brother has done this, and he is following his dreams no matter what your mother says. Good for him!
A lot of times when a parent acts like this, it is because they are looking back over their own life and seeing their own failures. They are angry at themselves, not the kid who is succeeding. Remember she is a human being, and she can only see life through the experiences she has had and the feelings that go along with them. Forgive her. And support your brother. He is smart to take his dreams and make them reality, he will be happy with our without your mothers approval.
Remember this when you go forward to make your life decisions. You need to do what makes you happy, not what makes mom happy. You have to live your own life, not the life she would lead for you. Your brother is a great example of this. And yeah, it might hurt what she says…. but at least she is saying she cares, right? Maybe not in the motherly "I love you" fashion, but in some fashion, she is angry because she worries about her son. Try to see that side of it.
References :
June 2nd, 2010 at 6:22 am
Your mother can’t protect your brother, he’s an adult and can follow whatever career or life path that he choses. No parent wants to see their children get hurt, but putting him down or critising him isn’t the way to help your brother have a healthy happy and productive life. Just say he does pursue a career as an artist, there are plenty who have extremely successful careers but if it doesn’t work out the way he wants then you will need to be there to support him. If your mom really does care she won’t want to see him upset and will help him get over this but if her mind really is made up then she won’t change, I’m afraid. It sounds as if your brother has plenty of support from other family members and that’s just what he needs. He sounds like he has the talent, too and I hope he can prove to your mom that she should have faith in him all along. Good luck to you both.
References :